I am writing this blog because I am 48 years old and I am stuck. Stuck as in: stuck in life. I ask myself everyday who am I being that things that I want in life are not happening. I am a good mom, my kids come first we have all been through a lot together.
My main concern being my choice of relationships with men and why I choose the wrong one every time. If someone good came along I wouldn’t know what to do. I feel like I am putting my kids through as much pain as I am going through, maybe even more. I understand that some would say that deep down inside I feel like I am not good enough and really I don’t feel that way at all.
I put the name I’m not a sissy because I have gone through so much in the last 5 years that even I’m surprised that I am not wearing a straight jacket ! What makes me stay in relationships that are not good for me??? This is something important about myself I want to learn. I am on a journey to a new understanding of why I cant be successful at relationships but can be very successful in my career, with my family and my friends? How can I be so strong and yet so weak?
I have a wonderful family and lots of support from my friends. A few friends that really care for me no matter what I choose to do in my life. Especially my mom who is there for me unconditionally.
Time for me to step up to the plate and do what I want to do before my life passes me by. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I am starting my journey by trying to figure out what fear holds me here. Fear of rejection, insecurity??? All I know is if mama’s happy everyone’s happy…right ? My journey to happiness begins with me….I need to dig myself out of this hole I have put myself in. Talking about it will help me and of course I welcome support. I will do this by looking back and trying to understand why I made these choices.