In and out!

Since day one when I met my husband, I was head over heals in love. I thought to myself this is real love. Real Chemistry and someone older so I don’t have to worry about him being a cheater or an immature person. He seemed to be the man of my dreams. Our physical relationship was so good that I overlooked a lot of things my gut told me at the very beginning. He fed me some lines about kids being the most important thing and a first priority. He said he didn’t care if I didn’t have a job and wanted me to come live with him and he would take care of me. The  first week me and my kids move into his garage apartment because I wanted them to get to know him slowly. My daughter had a boyfriend that was living with us and I told him he was coming with us. He said that was fine. I had taken this boy in because he was homeless. My daughter became smitten with him from the beginning.

After a year I had pretty much accepted him into our family. He was not doing drugs and was helping out around the house. Helping me with my son by watching him and paying attention to him. They seemed to be two peas in a pod. He even taught him some karate moves.. Life was not easy financially but their was enough love in our home to make everyone happy.In two weeks my now husband had kicked him out of the apartment for no reason and poor Brian went back to the street where he eventually started doing drugs again.

We moved out of our home of 14 years. The kids were very upset but they were excited too. The first few days were great. I stayed with my kids in the apartment at night because I wanted them to know I was there for them and work through this big move.Within 3 days all hell broke loose because my new boyfriend /now husband was jealous of my kids. He was angry because I stayed in the apartment at night with them. I walked into his house and he was in his office smoking a cigg. and drinking a beer. He told me he didn’t drink or smoke. He had me in tears within 15 min. I should have walked out the door that day.

Instead I let him control me more and more till I was feeling insecure about myself and my decisions I had just made. So we moved into the house sooner than we wanted to and made him happy. In the next 4 years we moved out and moved in 4 times. At first I thought he had bipolar and to this day I think its possible but I read this article the other day about narcissist and I read on and on until I couldn’t breath because I now realize this is just what he is . A big break through for me who just sits here and tries to find excuses why I should stay.I love him but its more like a sick love. His head games now make perfect sense to me.

When I first started seeing him he would tell me what a wacko his ex was. He said she was  a drunk and he called her the war department. He would let me listen to the sad messages she left on his answering machine. It was very sad for me to hear these messages. It was gross too. I thought well maybe he just needs to get it all out  so I let him. Now I feel so bad for her because he treats me the same way he was treating her. I was the other woman he had in life while he was with her. I now think he was probably seeing her for the first two years of our relationship. He is very verbally abusive to me and the reason we moved in and out so much.

First I lost my house by beleiving his broken promises he made and my choice to trust him. He told me not to worry. He would keep the house up by making the repairs and we would rend it out. I was so excited that someone wanted  to be a team for once that I believed every word he said. After 3 years and him not helping I lost my house. The house me and my daughter moved into when she was 3 years old and my son lived in until he was 8 was foreclosed on. He did not even care. Now I know it was the first step to him taking everything away from me I owned.

Second he helped me trade my truck in because it was a gas hog and although I still had a year left to pay on it we traded it in for a jeep patriot with good gas mileage and 4 wheel drive. We ended up putting it in his name because he had better credit due to my house. The second thing lost in  my name. Now I am left with household items and furniture. but that’s ok with me because we are engaged and going to get married. After we brought the jeep home we had a falling out and split up because he kept accusing me of cheating on him and being a bad mother. I worked like a dog. I still do. I am ambitious and a hard worker. He said the only reason women go to work is to cheat on their husbands. He also said woman belong in the kitchen and that I was a bad mom for not staying home with the kids. He held the jeep hostage in the garage and locked it up if I didn’t do what he asked. He finally just took it away and made me drive the Honda with no four wheel drive around in the winter months with my kids while he had 2 four wheel drives sitting in the garage. He loved to see me struggle and be uncomfortable.

In the meantime none of friends came to visit. I found out he was talking bad about me with all his friends and  the reason we didn’t go out a lot is because he didn’t want them to know we were together. Despite all these things……our relationship got a little better when I came back the 3rd time and I started to trust him again. He wanted me to come back but I told him I was not coming unless he made it legal. I was tired of giving him everything I had and losing everything I had for nothing . So we got married in Oct. 2014. Since that day he has been 300 percent worse. He never goes out with me or the family. He wont even spend Christmas with us. He wont take me out locally but sometimes takes me out of town. He is constantly accusing me of cheating on him. He is stalking me and I live with him! He stalked me before when I didn’t live with him and we were just staying with each other part time.

Head games is the worse thing he does. He makes promises and never keeps them. He is now stringing me along while he working on his next victim. The other woman who is going to be abused just like me. She will hear from him how bad I am and make her feel sorry for him just like he did me. Than he will abuse her too. Apparently he likes sympathy. He thinks he is god but all he is really is a big B WORD. He nags me constantly and threatens divorce everyday. When I call him on it he wont do it. He changes his mind and changes his story. Its always I love you Tammy BUT!  I think you might get the picture. My poor son is suffering from the stress that is in the air in this house and my daughter feels uncomfortable when she is here.visiting.

I have decided that I have to get out and find a safe place where he cant find us. I have finally lost my give a damn. This took me 4 years of in and out and one year of a horrible marriage. T\I feel like Cinderella before she found her prince, washing up his messes while he abuses me. I wish I had known a long time ago but I kept hoping it would get better. I thought marriage would make him feel more secure. It just made him treat me worse. He is an evil being and I am a positive hard working loving mom. I will not let him take me away from me. I am losing my give a damn more and more everyday and would not wish this on any other woman. I can only hope his next victim is really strong or really smart so she wont stay as long as I did. I am done!!!!